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 Post subject: Re: door writes
PostPosted: Thu Feb 12, 2015 9:25 am 
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I read the whole thing. There are no dragons, and no pirate monsters. I was very sad.

Overall it's good but kinda inert. Watch your comma usage, and your verbs. Like, you have someone putting weed into a bowl with her thumb instead of thumbing weed into a bowl, or you describe hearing rap bass through the walls where you could just make the rap bass the subject's sentence and have it pulse through the walls.

I like the narrative asides, like where the main character notices he has to touch a lot of people to get somewhere.

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 Post subject: Re: door writes
PostPosted: Tue Aug 29, 2017 12:55 am 
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that was a poem i wrote in memorial of door (dooooooooooor), may he finally escape his past

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