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 Post subject: Scenes from Nimba Mioze
PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2018 8:47 pm 
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A few dozen scenes from several interconnecting storylines have been swirling in my head, and it's probably time to set them free. No guarantees that they'll come in chronological order, that they'll have titles, that they'll add up to a full story, that the main characters will ever meet each other, or even that I'll keep posting on any sort of reasonable schedule, but if I can get at least one out per month I'll be happy. Who knows, I might even edit several together into a real submission.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2018 8:48 pm 
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Hints of Home


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2018 11:12 pm 
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Neat. I look forward to seeing how this all comes together (if, indeed, it does!) I like these sorts of story-driven world builds, so it will be pretty cool to see how this world shapes itself.

@Hints of Home


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2018 9:50 am 
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@Raven


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2018 2:07 pm 
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I regret that it's taken forever for me to comment on this, Brentain, but I read it, and I love it! Thank you so much for sharing!

I'll basically echo all of Raven's comments, for starters. There's an almost palpable sense of weariness at the beginning -- that feeling of being too tired, of the weight of time and memory just being too much, really comes through. I also love the little detail about searching for flavor, and being reminded of home. Similarly, I love the contrast at the end, between the innocuous, fragile beauty of a small, simple thing, and the greater ruin it portends.

Really, really great stuff! I look forward to more!

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 13, 2018 1:06 pm 
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There's an almost palpable sense of weariness at the beginning -- that feeling of being too tired, of the weight of time and memory just being too much, really comes through.

That wasn't really intentional, but I'm glad it works. I was probably channeling my own great grandmother a bit there.

I also love the little detail about searching for flavor, and being reminded of home.

Something about the way you phrase that reminds me of Uprooted. Probably not a theme in my writing, but who knows?

Similarly, I love the contrast at the end, between the innocuous, fragile beauty of a small, simple thing, and the greater ruin it portends.

Speaking of which, I found this on a different page of my notebook:

Butterfly of Starvation
Creature — Insect
Flying
Echo
When this creature's echo cost is paid, target player sacrifices a creature.
1/1


Really, really great stuff! I look forward to more!

Thank you! And... soon, I swear. :paranoid:


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2018 9:21 pm 
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Our second stop on Nimba Mioze takes us east, into the foothills of the mountains. (Not that you're expected to know or even care about the geography of the land, really. It might not ever matter. It's not like I plan for the old man from Hints of Home to do all that much more traveling, after all. You know what, just forget I mentioned it.) Enjoy!

The Carpenter


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2018 9:44 pm 
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@The Carpenter


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2018 11:48 am 
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@RavenoftheBlack


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2018 10:51 pm 
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Once again, no guarantee of a connection with anything else, but I feel like this comes from even farther east, on the other side of the mountains.

Memories of Smoke


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 13, 2018 12:33 am 
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@Memories of Smoke


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 13, 2018 10:22 am 
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2018 8:07 am 
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I apologize for not reading these before. A collection of short scenes has a charm on its own, like this thread was the dictionary that explains the language of the world so we can understand its nature. It would be a great way to lay the groundwork for a following streamlined narrative, but it stands perfectly on its own. Is the order of the scenes a deliberate choice? Because the softness and simplicity of the second and third piece somehow eclipse the hinted tragedy of the first; they're... cozy? Memories of Smoke, in particular, feels like a nostalgic photo album, almost what this very thread could become in time.

I'm not sure this went anywhere, but even writing about it felt good. Thanks for sharing!

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2018 6:31 pm 
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I apologize for not reading these before.

No worries. In fact, it's interesting to see a reaction to multiple at once.

A collection of short scenes has a charm on its own, like this thread was the dictionary that explains the language of the world so we can understand its nature. It would be a great way to lay the groundwork for a following streamlined narrative, but it stands perfectly on its own.

I'm glad it works! I was encouraged by similar threads, but mostly it's nice to have some of this actually out. Now let's see whether it lasts long enough for us to see the other characters waiting in the wings.

Is the order of the scenes a deliberate choice?

Well ... yes, but I wasn't thinking at all about the tonal disconnect. But if it matches the geographic disconnect, then hey, perhaps that does even more to temper expectations of a continuous storyline. On the other hand, I'm now reminded of the nine-act film structure, which starts out with something eerily similar... :paranoid:

Because the softness and simplicity of the second and third piece somehow eclipse the hinted tragedy of the first; they're... cozy? Memories of Smoke, in particular, feels like a nostalgic photo album, almost what this very thread could become in time.

I like the idea of cozy. And I can think of a few upcoming scenes that could also be described that way. :twitch:

I'm not sure this went anywhere, but even writing about it felt good. Thanks for sharing!

Reading it felt good, too. Thank you!


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2018 9:17 pm 
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Belatedly catching up with parts two and three, here, and I love them both! Thanks so much for sharing, Brentain!

Re: The Carpenter, it's beautifully written (they all are, for that matter), and I'm always a huge fan of these sorts of slice-of-life stories. I love seeing people just going about their lives, and you get the sense from this scene that this moment is going to become one which all three of these characters will look back on later as the beginning of something important. I also love the descriptions of the different carvings, and I now feel self-conscious that none of my furniture has a comfort bunny on it. :)

Re: Memories of Smoke, it's again wonderfully written, and feels very much like a prose poem, in a way. I don't know if this is intentional or not, but I like the parallel images in both this piece and the one before of a squirrel burying a nut, and that somehow being memorialized within the pattern/memory of a piece of wood. The whole piece is wonderfully lyrical, and I really like it.

So thank you again for sharing, Brentain!

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2018 11:08 pm 
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I'm always a huge fan of these sorts of slice-of-life stories.
Oh, good, because at least a few more scenes will probably feel like that.

I love seeing people just going about their lives, and you get the sense from this scene that this moment is going to become one which all three of these characters will look back on later as the beginning of something important.
:plot:

I also love the descriptions of the different carvings, and I now feel self-conscious that none of my furniture has a comfort bunny on it. :)
You know, none of my furniture is carved, either. Which is a right shame because my brother-in-law builds custom cabinets for a living, but lives on the other side of the country.

Then again, my wooden owl would make a great avatar. I should take a picture.

Re: Memories of Smoke, it's again wonderfully written, and feels very much like a prose poem, in a way.
That's a fun way to describe it. (Except for the interruption in the middle, but that line still makes me smile.) In a way, that might be exactly what I was going for with the repetition.

I don't know if this is intentional or not, but I like the parallel images in both this piece and the one before of a squirrel burying a nut, and that somehow being memorialized within the pattern/memory of a piece of wood.
:blink: 100% accidental, but I like it.

So thank you again for sharing, Brentain!
Thank you for your comments!


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2018 11:38 pm 
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I'm terribly sorry that I'm long long overdue for commenting. I have been reading this, it's just that I rarely have much to contribute in terms of narrative breakdown on pieces so short.

Altogether, there's a very rustic sort of feeling to these pieces, reminiscent in evocation to a warm house, thick blanket, and hot drink on a cool day. My perception is all tied up in how these feel rather than any other complex narrative layering, but I think that's probably your aim in the first place?

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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